One step forward... two steps back.

Ok. Enough. I know I said about a month ago that I was ready to be done with this constant nausea-sickness stuff but now I'm really ready. I don't mind the idea of being the size of a beached Cambrian pinniped. I just want to keep everything that I put in my mouth inside my body!

Being a constantly nauseous normal-sized human isn't cutting it. I am willing to skip straight to the later stages of this adventure if I can get one of those Chance cards that let you get out of jail free.

While I'd like to think the end is on the horizon, this stage isn't exactly one that I can figure out. One day I feel pretty good and I can walk around and sit at a table and watch other people eat (and sometimes nibble something myself) and the next I find myself looking around the car for plastic baggies in case of an emergency. Yes, I'm venturing out more. No, it doesn't mean I'm that much better. I think it means I don't care anymore. I need to get out.

Today I went to recycle some bottles and cans because here in California we pay a deposit for those-- and at 5 cents a pop, it can really add up! I wanted my money back. After all, I'm not exactly able to work these days so a day's income could be a whopping $5 or $10 depending on my bottle and can stash.

I stood in line with my bag for a while and then 5 minutes later I was still in line. Ten minutes passed. I was still in line. I had moved a little, but not much. I started to feel super nauseous. I looked around -- there were trash cans, right there in the open. Available for old trash bags or cans and bottles that didn't make the CRV cut. I figured I had an option if I needed it-- in front of all the other can and bottle redemption people. But then I thought, I'd rather be sick at home. And however long I have to wait while feeling that way was probably not enough to justify a few dollars. While I'd have a good story, I'd still feel lousy at the end of it and I'd still have to drive myself home and I would still have the same yucky (yet now oh so familiar) taste I'd try to brush away without triggering the gag reflex again. I turned to the man behind me and told him he could have my bottles and cans. Then I got in the car and went home.